Some background, very briefly, about me. I live in the US, somewhere in the south central region. I am a single mother to a beautiful, albeit PITA sometimes, 5 year old boy. My lil wonder was diagnosed autistic when he was 2 years old, which was not so much a shock because I knew something was off with him. I will (hopefully) be going back to school to finish my teaching degree in the fall of 2013. Think that's all for now.
It was suggested to me that I write a blog because it would help with expressing the feelings I have and not push them down and roll on only to have them implode on me one day. Good advice, I guess..I don't think imploding would be a pleasant feeling.
So today's lovely feeling was panic with a dash of dread. I have days where I think about what would happen to my son if I walked to the store and got hit by a car. Morbid, yes I know. The thoughts range from who would I trust to take him to would he miss me. Of course most people say yes your child would miss you but he is so young and I'm not sure what goes on in that big brain of his. He has never called me mommy or said I love you, I know he does but when you have never been called mommy it's not hard to think these kind of things. Today he went again to a speech evaluation after being on a waiting list for over year, so hoping he can start therapy soon. I don't even want to start on the thoughts I have associated with his lack of speech, another day, another blog post I'm sure.
I am really not a morbid, unhappy person..actually I'm quite happy most of the time. But, instead of a fairy godmother, I have a stupid morbid fairy. She drops by now and then and plants thoughts in my head that I obsess over most of the day, thanks you winged b&%$. As I sit here
